3 Keys to Gaining More Friends and Increasing Your Popularity!

September 4th, 2012

3 Keys to Increasing Your Confidence and Personal Power!

July 31st, 2012

3 Common Mistakes That Deny Men Freedom, Excitement and Adventure!

April 3rd, 2012

Mistake #3: Not Planning Your Fun – This means not taking the time to solely focus on how you are going to have fun. Take the time to create an adventure and live life to the fullest!

Why – What do you do if you want to do well at anything? You try hard, put the effort into it and take the time to do it right! If you do this. It maximizes your chances of having fun as opposed to hoping you have fun, hoping something comes up, hoping someone else has an idea of some kind. By letting chance dictate your fun, chances are it you won’t have much!

How - This means scheduling it, just like you’d schedule anything important to you, like a meeting with a client. Explore, you’ll never know what you will find when exploring. Researching it is important too, know what your options are, know how to avoid mistakes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mistake #2 a: Playing It Safe! Playing it safe means not being willing to risk anything. It means not willing to make a mistake. It means having to know everything.

When you start playing it safe it’s safe to say you stopped living with passion! Their is a healthy amount of fear known as exhilaration when you take risks! The unknown isn’t a negative thing and all things being equal a surprise makes things much more interesting and adds great value. Enjoy the Unknown

How – Realize what you are missing out on! When we fear what is negative more than we want what is positive this usually leads to inaction. It also means we are missing out on what we are not willing to act for. You may not get something you try for, but you will never get what you don’t try for.

 

Mistake #2b: Not Mixing It Up – This means not having any varietyand rather doing it the same way over and over again. It usually means trying to be as efficient as possible by not being willing to introduce anything new.

The truth is, we need it, variety is actually one of our 6 needs. Change and surprise helps to balance out the regular mundane repetition of our lives which is what happens when we try to control things too much. Having this change and contrast to everyday life helps us feel alive!

How – Force it if you have to! Go out of your way to do things differently just for the sake of doing it differently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mistake # 1.  Not Disappointing Others – Always saying yes to another request means never saying no to the requests of others, specifically those “important “ people.

When you don’t say no to doing things and you over commit and you leave no time to be spontaneous. You hand cuff yourself and take away your own freedom. But the sad thing is, you do it to yourself! You see you are as free as you want to be, but often the choices we make put us in places we don’t want to be. All work and no play will make any man’s life very dull. Everything in life needs fuel and men are no exception! Having fun, excitement and adventure are fuels that men require! Work to truly live, don’t live to work!

How – The great thing is that it’s never too late to change because you still have a choice. Your position is reversible, but you have to be willing to say a two letter word called no. Slowly this change will take effect. This may take people by surprise at first, but the great benefit is they will also respect you more!

5 Critical Mistakes Men Make That Cause Them to Lose Money and be Financially Stressed!

March 1st, 2012

5. Not Learning To Say “No”! - How this simple choice causes men to lose money and be financially stressed!

“No” is the most important word when it comes to buying things and spending money. There are so many things to buy the question shouldn’t be which ones to buy, but which ones not to buy.

The real key here is forming new habits. Discipline is critical to successfully being able to break old habits and form new ones. This takes time, but it’s a 2 in 1 opportunity! You see each time you say no you will be breaking the old habit of saying yes and creating the new habit at the same time. And of course when you say “no”, it’s very hard to lose money and be financially stressed!

An added bonus is that this skill transfers to every other part of your life!

So how do you start saying no more? Practice makes perfect, just like working out you need to exercise the NO muscle so it gets bigger and stronger! Start with something easy and start saying “no” to it. The more you say “no” the easier it will be to say “no” again and to the bigger harder things in life!

 

4. Using Money For Popularity or Prestige ! - How this action causes men to lose money and be financially stressed!

Spending your money to get attention, to have women and to have more friends in your life will not only drain your bank account quickly, cause you to lose money and be financially stressed but it will also prevent real relationships from developing. It’s a never ending cycle because once you give something to someone they will not only want more but they will come to expect it. Furthermore, when a person hears you are buying gifts for other people, they will naturally expect the same.

Do not fool yourself into thinking it is just a way to meet new people who will become genuine friends after getting to know you, those type of people will not be attracted in the first place. This will always leave you unsatisfied because it does not go to the core of the issue; having real connections with quality people and secondly, liking who you are regardless of what others think of you or feel about you.

So what do you do?  Before you make an expenditure, think about why you are doing it, is it for you, or for someone else? Only you can answer those questions but first you have to ask them first! Then you will find out who your real friends are!

 

3. Choosing Not To Be Content! - How this mindset causes men to lose money and be financially stressed!

You can be content with very little and you can be discontent with very much! How is that many people in 3rd world countries are often happier than we are here in a rich and free nation such as Canada. It certainly isn’t their possessions that are making them happy. The point here is that there is really no link between happiness and your possessions expect for meeting your most basic needs. That is why people can choose to be unhappy no matter what they have and never have enough and hence lose money and be financially stressed!

There is nothing wrong with wanting more than what you already have, wanting more is not the same as being content with what you already have. Being content just means deciding to be ok with where you are right now at this moment!

So how do you do this so that you are not losing money and being financially stressed? First you have to believe that happiness is not tied to your possessions. Next, it’s all about perspective. You get to decide how you view what you already have and if you will be thankful for it. Think about and list everything you have and all the benefits it gives you! Then compare this to how much most others around the world have!

 

2. Defining Yourself by Your Possessions – How this view causes men to lose money and be financially stressed!

Defining yourself by your possession means linking your worth, value and self esteem to what you own. This is dangerous to do and it makes absolutely no sense! When you define yourself by your possessions you put yourself in a position that forces you to spend money on way more possessions than you need because it is no longer about what you need, in fact it is no longer about what you even want, it becomes what society deems as important.

The truth is your possessions don’t really say anything about you and your real value beyond a surface level knowledge of your interests. To bolster your self worth and value by your possessions makes no sense because they cannot reflect who you really are, your strengths, your personality, your values, your character and your dreams. Those things cannot be conveyed by your possessions and they certainly do not change because of what your possessions! Would you rather be known by your possessions or by the unique combination of values, strengths and personality that only you have?

So how do you change this? Discover who you are; your strengths, your personality, your values, your character and your dreams. Create a list of these things and read them out and remind yourself of them everyday! Post it somewhere you will see it often as well! The more you do it the more you will change your old definition and create a new strong and healthy one while simultaneously destroying the old definition!

 

1. Not Knowing Where You Are Going! – How this lack of clarity causes men to lose money and be financially stressed!

This means not having a specifically goal you are targeting. It also means not checking in to see where you are in regards to that goal!

If you don’t know where you are going how will you ever get there? You will of course end up somewhere, just probably not where you want to be.

Create goal and be specific! You need to have something to focus on, a goal to achieve that will help you say “no” in those times you want to buy something very badly. Having something concrete instead of something vague helps a lot! Visions of having more and spending less are very indefinable and immeasurable and relative not absolute. Goals on the other hand are specific, tangible and measurable!  When you have a specific target then you can start determining specifically what you need to do to get there and whether or not you are close to that goal as long as you track it! And added bonus is that the more you track your position relative to your goal the more you will realize how much you are spending, which will not only open up your eyes but help you not to spend!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

5 Critical “Need To Know” Techniques To Make Any Resolution and Goal Successful!

January 9th, 2012

Number 5 – Competition!

If competition motivates you then use it! If you turn your resolution and goal into a competition with someone or some people you know not only will you will be much more motivated to keep going when the going gets tough but you will also strive harder even when the times are not tough! In other words you’ll push yourself harder and maximize your results!

 

Number 4 – Make it Fun!

What ever your resolution or goal is, if it involves doing something new make sure you make that resolution as attractive and enjoyable as possible! If you enjoy it and want to do it just for the sake of doing it you are going to do yourself a big favour because you will be much more likely to take that action when you don’t feel as motivated! So be creative!

 

 

Number 3 – Replace What You Are Cutting Out With Something Else!

Part of the reason it’s not easy cutting something out of your life is because you need to fill it with something else! Obviously you are not just going to do nothing instead, you are going to want to do something, so put something in its place that is both healthy and enjoyable!

 

Number 2 – S.M.A.R.T. Accountability!

No doubt you’ve heard of accountability and there is a good reason for it, it works! Choose someone you know will keep you accountable, someone who is reliable, someone that you trust and respect! Furthermore, use the S.M.A.R.T. technique accountability for your goals: all of your goals should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Resonant and Thrilling!

 

 

Number 1 – Have a Partner!

Do it with someone else, not by yourself. And no I am not talking about sex, though your resolution or goal may involve sex. The fact is when you don’t feel like doing your new years resolution chances are your partner will. There is also an element accountability and responsibility in this relationship that is lacking when you only promise yourself to make a commitment since you have promised someone other than yourself you will do this, which in turn provides more motivation!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation at work, in your job and during your career…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles at work, in your job and during your career while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

5 Mistakes Men Make Causing Them To Be Frustrated, Unproductive and Unsuccessful At Work, In Their Job & During Their Career!

December 3rd, 2011

 

5. Not Improving Your Strengths At Work, In Your Job and During Your Career –  That’s right, improving what you are already good, not what you are bad at is the only way to go from good to great at work, in your job and during your career!

This may seem counter intuitive because since we’ve been a child  all we’ve been told that we need to improve our weaknesses! Think about it, in school it is always the lowest grade that gets the most attention.  The problem is, weaknesses rarely become more than average abilities and being average at work, in your job and during your career is not what you want. The reason weaknesses tend to stay weak is because their maximum potential simply isn’t very high. The truth is not all abilities have the same maximum limits! In fact your strengths actually have a much higher maximum ability that your weaknesses!  No one ever achieved great success at work, in their job or at their career by becoming average at a whole bunch of different stuff! Plus, our time and effort is not only very valuable but very limited, so it would make sense to spend it on what is going to give us the highest return on our investment!

So how do you improve your strengths? Well first you have to know your strengths and those potential strengths that may seem weak but are loaded with potential. It’s surprising how often we don’t notice what we are good at, and of course it is especially difficult to know those things we are not good at but have the potential to be great in at work, in our job and during our career.

The next key point is the multiplier effect. You have to be willing to put the time and effort into improving your strengths and potential strengths. Going from good to great does not happen all on its own! This simple formula  is as follows: Effort x Strength = Results. When you put effort into something your are not good at and do not have the potential to be good at you get what happened in the movie Rudy, a football player from Notre Dame who over achieved but still achieved very little, one play in one meaningless college football game and no pro football career. If you put effort into what you do have the potential to be good at you get what happened to another Notre Dame football player by the name of Joe Montana. So would you rather be the Rudy or Joe Montana at your work, in your job and at your career?

 

 

4. Focusing On Not Making The Mistake At Work, In Your Job And During Your Career- Focusing on not making a mistake means concentrating on avoiding what you don’t want to do instead of focusing on what you do want to do at work, in your job and at your career!

When you focus on not making a particular mistake, what usually ends up happening is that you make that exact mistake! If a race car driver continually focuses on not hitting the wall lap after lap, chances are he is going to hit the wall. Why? This is because he is actually focusing on hitting the wall as opposed the opposite of hitting the wall; taking a smooth fast corner and dipping in towards the infield. The key to not making a mistake is concentrating on and visualizing the opposite of the mistake you are trying not to make, it means focusing on what the successful outcome looks like at work, in your job and during your career!

So how do you focus on success?  This in part comes down to something I have already mentioned, visualization. Visualizing your success, what it looks like, sounds like and feels like at work, in your job and at your  career is incredibly important! Another way is to surround yourself with reminders, objects and things that you want your outcome to be, the future you are aiming at, who you are trying to be and what you are trying to become at work, in your job and during your career! This works not only because it inspires you, but because it helps you to focus and reminds you that it is actually possible!

 

3. Believing It’s All About The Big Choices At Work, In Your Job And During Your  Career – Big choices are those moments of decision that we believe will have the largest impact on our lives and the situation around us. Believing it’s all about those moments means forgetting about the smaller choices we are making every day at work, in your job and during your career!

As men we often think that success is solely or at least mostly the result of those glorious monumental and momentous occasions that we see in the movies, but in truth it is not. It’s understandable how we make this mistake, after all, what stands out to us the most? What do we remember most clearly when we look back at work, our jobs and our careers? Those times where our emotions are running high and we were fearful, stressed, excited or all the above.

The point here is not that those decisions are unimportant, it’s that as a result we often devalue and forget about all of the little decisions along the way. However, when you add all of the little decisions together, they are not so little anymore, in fact they greatly outweigh the seemingly “big” choices we make! That is the key, realizing the impact the cumulative effect all of those smaller choices have at work, in your job and during your career. The mistake we make is we treat each decision as seperate and independent when really they are not. We make 3000 to 4000 decisions every day. Success comes from continually make the right and smart choices on a daily basis.

So how do we implement this? First you need to change your perspective, if you don’t believe this you will never commit to it at work, in your job and during your career!

Second, you need to start practicing making those small decisions correctly! Begin analysing your decisions and purposeful take more time out of your day to focus on them at work, in your job and during your career! Paying attention to everything you do; realize and see the choice you are making in all of your actions. Then link the m to your end goal. Ask yourself if these decisions are helping or hurting you get to your end goal.

Effort and time are the key ingredients! If you become purposeful and deliberate instead of accidental and unfocused, you will greatly improve your decision making!

 

2. Experiencing Without Learning At Work, In Your Job And During Your  Career– We are constantly experiencing life every moment of every day, however, to reflect on this experience and learn from it is something totally different.

While experience can be valuable, it can also be totally useless unless one reflects on it and learns the right things from it. You probably know some people who keep on making the same mistakes over and over again at work, in their job and during their career, experience is not the problem, learning is. It’s similar to saying that someone who has been divorced 4 times has lots of great marriage experience! They do, they just clearly have not drawn from it!

Without exception, virtually every person has great experience to draw on even though each person experience may seem very different from each others! There are common threads and parallels that run through many seemingly different experiences, thus one does not have to have experienced every imaginable type of event or situation to be able to reflect, learn and come to the same conclusions.

There is more still, even when a person does come to the same conclusion, we must remember that everybody is different! The truth is that what works for one person will not necessarily work for another at their work, in their job and during their career. While some “rules” are universal and many lessons generally work for many people, many do not and even the ones that do  look different for different people when they are applied and put into action. This is why two different people can go through exactly the same situation and experience it in a totally disparate manner. This means you should always reflect on your experience in addition to learning from others.

How do you reflect and learn? At the end of every day think about what happened that day. Come up with a list of events that took place and that you were a part of. Then come up with at least one thing you learned, gained insight on or want to improve on at work, in your job and during your career. Then figure out a way to turn it into action. Write it down and keep a list. This will add up in a hurry!

 

1. Not Having A Role Model For Your Work, Your Job And Your  CareerA role model is someone who is doing what you are doing but has proven to be able to do it very well and at a level you want to be at work, in your job and during your career!

What could possibly be a better source of information that someone who knows what you are doing and how to do it well? Instead of the method of trial and error, and the wasted time it entails, you can jump way ahead and avoid those mistakes by finding out what to avoid from your role model. The whole idea behind a role model is taping into the reasons behind their proven success. This means moving beyond the mistakes and into what to do, not just what not to do at work, in your job and during your career. There is no substitute for getting quality information from quality people!

How do you do this? – The ease of which you can do this with may surprise you. First, you need to find someone who is an expert! They don’t have to be the best but they have to be very good, better than you and at a level you want to be at! Start by looking around you where you work already, then move out from there.

Next, be straight forward and honest about your intentions and why you are contacting them. Don’t try to pretend you want to be their friend, they will see though this, besides the fact that they probably don’t want anymore friends anyways. The reality is people love to share what they know and have learned! Some people do this because they love to help but  mostly because it makes them feel valuable and important!

Lastly, prepare good questions regarding your work, your job and your career. Take lots of notes and most importantly, don’t try to prove anything to them or impress them! Just let them lead and impress them instead with your ability to learn from them!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation at work, in your job and during your career…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles at work, in your job and during your career while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

 

5 Critical Errors Men Make That Prevent Them From Finding The Job And Career They Crave!

December 3rd, 2011

 

5. Not Knowing Your Strengths – Your strengths are both the things you are already good at and the things you have the potential to be great at in your job and during your career.

The importance of this may seem simple and straightforward but here it is nonetheless: when you do what you are good at you are much more likely to succeed then when you do something you are not good! Furthermore, this gives you happiness and confidence because the results reflect on your abilities! In fact, those that do what they are good at are 6 times more likely to be emotionally engage at their work, 6 times! They are also 3 times more likely to have a high quality of life!

So how do you do you find out what your strengths and potential strengths are for work, for a job and for your career?

1) The first thing you can do is reflect on your own experiences.

2) The 2nd thing you can do is ask others what they see in you. Often people who know you well have insights about you that you do not.

3) Finally use the tests that are available to you! StrengthsFinder 2.0 byGallup has over 40 years of research in over 60 different countries involving millions of people! Needless to say it’s very accurate and effective!

 

4. Doing What You “Should” vs What You Want For Your Job And Your Career– This means doing what is mistakenly might be  thought of as “practical” or “rational” instead of doing what you are passionate and excited about. But how much sense does it make to do something you are not passionate about? How much sense does it make to avoid what you are passionate about?

Doing what is practical and rational is not the opposite of doing what you are excited and passionate about! As I mentioned earlier, how logical is it to cut the passion out of your work, job and career? Knowing and doing what energizes you, fills you up and causes you to be excited goes as long way in determining how successful you will be! It’s simple! How much more effective would you be at what you are doing if you had more energy and passion? It’s the difference between checking what time it is so you can leave work and wanting to stay late!

Think about something you love doing, something you make time for. How do you feel when you are doing this thing? You feel great and you work really hard at it! Time speeds by! Well you can have the same feeling or at least a very similar feeling at work, in your job and during your career or at least something similar that is a huge improvement from what you are experiencing right now. This is great place to be because instead of having to find ways to motivate your self to keep going, you have to find ways to stop working!

How do you do this? This requires that you know your values and interests.

We all know the activities that we like to do such as the sports we like to play, but what about the underlying values that cause you to enjoy them? These are the values that are broader and deeper than just the actions you find them in. For example, you may love hockey, but how do you play hockey in your career? Most likely you cant, but you can find out the foundational values in hockey such as teamwork, clear results, challenge and competition that you are honouring and deliberately apply them to your choices in your career! To do this, explore the things you like and find the deeper values. You can also think about your peak experiences in your life those days, hours and moments that are some of your best ever, that you wish could just keep going forever. The reason they stand out in your mind and felt so good is because your deepest and most powerful values were being honored many different times in many different ways!

Next apply your list of values to potential  jobs, work positions and career options and see which are the most closely aligned!

 

3. Not Tackling The Fear Of Failure –  The fear of failure is a fear we all deal with, especially men and especially when it comes to looking for the right work, job or career! We worry about not accomplishing what we want to and not performing up to our standards and the standards of others!

The fear of failure can be gripping, but even when it’s not debilitating it still causes us to be passive instead of taking action or perform at a lower level than we otherwise would at work, our job and in our career! The power of the fear of failure actually lies in the fact that we internalize it. That is, instead of just believing we have failed at something, we believe that we are failures! See the difference? We take it on and actually believe that who we are is a failure as opposed to what we did. The good news is this can be changed!

The fear of failure can be destroyed but you have to know how! The key lies in the fact that is very illogical! In particular we often let our results define who we are, especially when it comes to work, our job and our career. Here is an example. Let’s say that one day I did the worlds greatest seminar for men, it would never happen but lets use our imagination and pretend. Next, lets pretend that the very next day I did the worlds worst seminar for men, now that’s actually possible though very unlikely. So what happened? Well if I let my results define my , I would have to believe that some how I magically gained all of the worlds speaking skills instantly only to magically lose them again the following day. How much sense does that make? Obviously none and that is the point! Did my skills and abilites actually change at all? No, not beyond anything minor, all that happened was I used my existing skills really well one day, then not the other. Perhaps it was the situation or something else in my life, who knows! The point is letting your results define you makes no sense! So remember, that who you are doesn’t change whether you fail or succeed. You strengths, values, character and personality remained are independent of those things. Separate your results from who you are and remind yourself of this daily!

 

2. Failure to Dream – This doesn’t mean actually falling asleep and dreaming but rather, dreaming and thinking about all of the options that are out there for work, a job and a career! And there are many!

How can you possibly make a good decision about what career to embark on if you don’t have all the options out in front of you? The answer is you can’t. If you don’t take the time to do this or if you can’t imagine what options are available to you for work, a job and a career, you are going to severely limit your job and career possibilities and potentially miss out on something great, something you might be great at and something you could really enjoy!  Just think, how many things in this world would have been accomplished if people had not dreamed beyond what was immediately around them? Not a lot! If you do not dream, you are assuring yourself of one thing at least; not accomplishing anything significant.

So how do you help yourself to dream and collect information so you can make the best decision you can regarding work, your job and your career?

First you have to let go of the circumstances and events that are currently taking place in your life. All they will serve to do is keep you from exploring the possibilities of life by keeping you in the present with life’s present problems and challenges. It’s best to close your eyes and imagine yourself 10 years from now. You see, when you imagine into the future, life’s current problems and challenges fade away freeing you to dream about things you otherwise would never think of or consider!

Another way is to just look around see what is happening around you in the world. What are other people doing and what have they done? If someone else is doing it then start thinking about it! Begin reading books, using the internet and researching any way you can!

Lastly talk to someone who is knowledgeable! Some people specialize in knowing what kind of jobs and careers are available and what they entail. These people are a great source of information!

Dreaming is not an ability but something we must simply be willing to do! There is lots of information out there, so start collecting it!

 

1. Limiting Beliefs – Limiting beliefs are simply the things you believe about yourself that if true would limit your ability to achieve something you wanted to achieve, in this case at work, your job and in your career.

The key words are “if true”, you see these are beliefs not truths, in other words just because you believe something this doesn’t mean it is true. The fact is, your limiting beliefs are the number 1 thing stopping you from achieving what you want and what you can achieve. The limiting beliefs with the highest impact are the limiting beliefs about yourself. We all have them and they are different for each person. First you must identify them, so spend some time thinking about negative things you believe about yourself outside of work, your job and your career. Some common ones include

-I am not as smart as the people who are on top…

-I cannot work as hard as those who are successful…

-I’m not gifted enough to make it out on my own…

Your limiting beliefs come from how you’ve interpret your experiences in life. That’s right, not the experience it’self but how you interpreted it! The great thing is this means you can re interpret your experiences and give them new meaning! The truth is your experiences mean nothing more than the meaning you give them, which means you are in complete control! This is why a catastrophic failure and dead end to one person is an opportunity and a new beginning for another! They simply choose to view it differently.

So how do you overcome your existing limiting beliefs so you can have the job and career you want?

Start creating doubt! Start questioning those limiting beliefs! Start coming up with as much reasons as possible as to why they are not true! There are many, you just have to find them!

Once you’ve done this, come up with reasons why you are very smart, why you are very capable, why you can be successful!  Then reinterpret the experiences that stand out in your mind and turn them into the positive using this new information!

Lastly, start remembering the things you have done well that you don’t need to reinterpret at all. You may feel hard pressed to find them at first, especially if you’ve buried them deep down and far away. Everybody has successes in their life, focus on them!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation at work, your job and in your career…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life at work, your job and in your career while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

7 Dangers To Avoid That Keep Men From Finding Love and Getting The Girlfriend or Wife They Want!

December 1st, 2011

 

7. Being Naive – Being naive means not thinking about, being aware of and realizing a woman’s intentions, goals and the actions she is taking to get them! Being naive in this respect will prevent you from finding love and getting the girlfriend or wife you are looking for!

Unlike men, women tend to think about and plan social interaction a lot! Women aren’t so innocent when it comes to their interactions, in fact the are way ahead of men when it comes to getting the ones they want, what they want in them and what they want to get through them.  Most of what you see a woman do in public is very intentional, very well thought out and pre-planned. It is not an accident that is she where she is, acting how she is and wearing what she is. She knows who she wants to see her and how she wants to be seen!

As with all generalizations, many generalizations about women are inaccurate, such as, all women really want is love and intimacy. Women also want excitement! They also want wealth! They also want to be noticed and seen! Why do they settle for only love and intimacy sometimes? Because these needs are very strong and they are better than nothing. However, this is also why they end up having affairs, because needs such as excitement and having a masculine confident man in their life are not being met! It is also why they compromise in the other extreme. Having relationships just for social status, wealth and to be seen and noticed. And of course on top of this, all women are different, each of them have their own set of values and wants because each is a unique human being.

Many men tend not to fully appreciate the depth and complexity of this aspect of women because we are selves don’t spend lots of time thinking about these things when it comes to finding love and getting a girlfriend or wife. Furthermore, the biggest female figures and influence in our lives have been our mothers and because mothers are uniquely caring and kind to us we often have a misrepresentation of what women are really like. We only have one mother and mothers treat their children differently! As men we tend to define ourselves by ourselves by accomplishment, possessions and wealth love or our girlfriend or wife. Women tend to define themselves by their social status which include who they are dating, the friends they have and the way in which they are seen by others.

So what does all of this mean? What do you need to do?

First,  women will deliberately test you. When she is getting to know you, this will come in the form of the questions she asks as well as the situations she puts you in. She is certainly very observant and will look into things much more closely and deeply than you will of her. She is constantly forming belief and opinions about you as you interact and she sees more of your life. Therefor be careful of what you convey to her! Always remember that you are sending a message to her and she is interpreting one of her own as well!

Secondly, you want to see what she is really after! If you know that what she is doing, how she is acting and dressing is intentional, this will tell you a lot about her! Always observe her behaviour, especially towards other people! This is critical to finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife!

Lastly, deliberately test her and observe her! Ask her deep meaningful and important questions then combine her answers with how she acts! Come to your dates with some pre-planned criteria and questions! Finally, if she passes your tests and you think what she wants and is looking for are the type things that are good, healthy and similar to you, see how you can best meet those needs and wants she has! All of these things will help you find love and get the girlfriend or wife you are looking for!

 

 

6. Not Dealing With The Fear Of Rejection - Everybody has the fear of rejection, no where is it more prominent that when it comes to approaching women and worrying about her saying “no”. This is perhaps the most obvious danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife!

The fear of rejection varies from person to person but it almost always has the same effect; it stops you from asking out a woman you otherwise would have if not for the fear. For those who the fear of rejection is very strong and hence causes that man to pass up on asking many women it is especially important to tackle this fear. But even for those it effects to a lesser degree, you can still only benefit from removing this fear, after all, you never know which woman you pass up on will be the woman you can find love with! Although the fear of rejection is somewhat common that does not mean it should be!

So how do you lessen the fear of rejection? The fear of rejection is based on a number of false beliefs that cause us to internalize this fear. Knowing these false beliefs and dealing with them is critical to destroying the fear of rejection in your life, finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife. The first thing is to realize is that you are not actually being rejected, in other words, she does not know who you are, in fact she knows next to nothing about you, that includes your strengths, your character, your values, your personality or your goals. So if she says no, she is not saying no to those things that make up who you are because she does not even know those things about you!

The next thing you need to remember is that you know almost nothing about her! She could have a boyfriend, she could be unrealistically picky, she could be a very poor decision maker, she could be very irrational and judgmental. The point is, you don’t know why she is saying no and it could be for any number of bad reasons!

The point is, as men we often try to draw conclusion and make sense of things, however this is an error when it comes to situations like this because we simply don’t have enough information. Of course we do have information on ourselves so we often link it back to being something about ourselves. This of course though is totally illogical, it is much more logical to realize you can’t actually draw a valid conclusion from something you don’t have enough information on, so don’t try! It will only lead you astray and contribute to preventing you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

On top of this, the more you realize who you are, you’re values, strengths, personality and character and the more you like who you are, the less other peoples opinions and actions will effect you because you will be secure in yourself and know that a persons reaction does not change who you are, your worth or value.

Remind yourself of these truth’s everyday!

 

5. Thinking You Can Fix Her - You’ve heard that girls try to change their guys, well unfortunately the male version of that is that sometimes we try to help fix her and the “baggage” she has. Trying to change her is a huge danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Her “Baggage” is the accumulation of hurts in her life from bad experiences that include being cheated on, being used and being disrespected from former boyfriends as well as other people in her life such as friends and family. These kind of hurts which result in false beliefs and fears and hence the unhealthy emotions and behaviors that follow generally fit into about 4 different categories (though this detail and information is beyond the scope of this article).

The bottom line is you cannot help her, it’s not that she can’t be helped, just not by you! This in part because you are in a relationship with her, in other words, because you are trying to find love and get the right girlfriend or wife! As such you are hardly in the right state of mind to be objectively helping her let alone do what is actually needed considering how it will effect the rest of your relationship which is romantic not client/patient based. This is besides the fact that you are not trained to help her. That’s what professionals are for, counsellors and psychologists. Finally, remember that she has to want to change, so even if you could help her it is worthless if she doesn’t want to change in the first place! On top of this you will be missing out on some potentially great women if you spend your time trying to fix her!

How do you do this? Look out for red flags early, and have your decision made ahead of time that their are certain red flags you will simply not ignore!  Realize that as good as your intentions may be, intentions are not enough. Don’t waffle or convince yourself that you will some how be able to do what other guys could not.  Don’t entertain the fantasy of being a white night in shining armor, it’s not a fantasy but a nightmare! Lastly, find a girl who doesn’t need to be fixed! It’s always makes it easier when you replace the thing you are leaving with something else! All of these things will help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife!

 

 

4. Wrong Places Right Faces – You can look all you want for the right girl, but if you’re looking in the wrong places you’ll never find love or get the right girlfriend or wife!

The first part of any search is knowing what you are searching for. Only after you know this can you begin searching, but the next question is where do you start looking? Obviously there will be certain places that you are much more likely to find love an the right girlfriend or wife than other places. There is no point looking in the wrong places for the right faces!

So how do you go about doing this?

First you need a starting point, some understanding of what type of girl you are looking for! Create a list of personality traits, character, values and strengths you like, want and are attracted to in a woman. Next create a list of personality traits, characteristics and weaknesses you don’t want in a woman! Make these lists as exhaustive as possible and give yourself a good ½ hour on each!

Once you’ve created that list start figuring out where that type of woman is most likely to hang out and spend her time. This of course will be completely determined by what you’ve come up with. Create a 2nd list of places she is not likely to spend her time at. If she is a fellow professional, who is dedicated to work but also wants a family, chances are you won’t see her in a club. This is not complicated procedure but it takes some time.

Finally start going to those places where she is most likely to be and avoid going to places where she is not likely to be. If you enjoy going to those places where she will most likely not be at, just remember not to waste too much time asking out girls you see there, since there is a low chance of finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife in that environment.

 

3. Not Being Yourself – Not being yourself means acting, faking it and putting on a front, all of which will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Don’t fool yourself, girls are remarkably good a reading others! If you are acting, faking it or pretending you are something you are not this will really turn her off, if not right away, as soon as she finds out!

Besides not being able to keep this up forever, you shouldn’t want to anyways because it is self defeating. To know if she is really a good fit for you, the right potential girlfriend or wife you have to be you and then see if the relationship works.

How do you do this? This is simple but not necessarily easy. First it really helps to like who you are. By this I mean your strengths, character and especially the parts of you that you cannot change, like your personality. This isn’t to say you are perfect or don’t want to change anything about yourself, but you can still do that without faking it. Being honest doesn’t mean telling her everything you are not, are not good at or don’t like about yourself. As always, put your best foot forward, but make sure it is the best part of something you are, not something you are not. This will greatly increase your chances of finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Of course to do this you first have to know who you are and I mean really know who you are. To really know who you are keep reading the rest of this article!

 

2. Trying To Find “The One” Instead Of Trying To Be “The One” – This means spending all of your time looking for the right girl without making sure you are the right guy for her. This is a very common danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

If you are constantly focusing on trying to find the one, you have forgotten that there are 2 sides to this coin, she is also trying to find “the one” because she wants love too. So the real question is, how are you preparing to be “the one” for her? Let’s play this out, if you finally did meet the right girl that’s great, but from that point on, the moment you meet her, she will be thinking is this the right guy for me. The searching is the start, you have to actually deliver what you promise for to want you and stay with you. It’s like looking for the perfect job, researching like crazy, talking to every expert you know, making lists of pro’s and con’s, then you go to an interview and realize you are no different than everybody else applying for that same job. You have no training, education or experience that makes you stand out from anyone else! How is that going to help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife? It’s not!

So how do you do avoid this mistake? This is more simple than it may seem. Take what ever personality traits, character and strengths you want in her and then look at yourself through that lens and see how you stack up. Where ever you find you are left wanting or lacking, start working on those things. Now I am not suggesting you can change everything about yourself or that you should try, but you can enhance, modify and bring things out. That of course will increase your attractiveness and help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife.

It always helps to ask people around you that know you well because they have insights into our lives that we do not because they are on the outside looking in and are not as emotionally involved as we are. Just make sure they will be honest and forthright with you; so make sure you tell them you want them to be and give them the reason. If it is more than you realize, start by picking 3 and go from there. Finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife depends on who you are! She is making a large investment, make sure she is making a good investment!

 

 

1. Opposite Don’t Attract! – This next write up applies most heavily to points number 4, 4 and 2 and was alluded to each of those sections. Knowing who you are is the most important part to finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife because it is so foundational!

To fully be who you truly are, to really like who you are and to really maximize who you are you have to know who you are to begin with! I’m talking about your personality, your strengths, your values and your wants. How well do you really know these things? If asked you to list them all out right now, how far would you get beyond a simple very basic list? The reasoning behind this is straight forward and intuitive. To find love and get the right girlfriend or wife, the woman you want should be similar to you, complimentary to you and compatible with you.

This means that in some ways you want her to be like you, for example in terms of intelligence, values and how much socialization she likes. In other ways you want her to compliment you, this means hopefully she has strengths you don’t have to fill in your weaknesses, after all a relationship involves working together and accomplishing things together. Lastly, you want her to be compatible with you, that means in some areas you want her to be the opposite of you. For example, if you are very masculine, intense and if you like to be in charge, then having a woman who is very feminine, easy going and doesn’t mind having someone else make decisions will ensure that you don’t clash with her! The key is in realizing which attributes should be similar, which should be complimentary and which should be compatible! Most of this is not that difficult to reason out logically.

Now it is important to note that note following these things does not mean your relationship won’t work and that it is doomed. It does mean it will be a lot harder to make work and a lot less enjoyable. So the question you need to ask yourself is, since relationships are hard enough as they are, do I really want to make things harder or easier? Do I want to set myself up for success of failure? Do I want the most enjoyment possible and the least effort possible for the rest of my life? If you want to find the best love you can and get the right girlfriend or wife, this is critical!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

6 Blunders Men Make That Prevent Them From Having the Relationship They Really Want!

November 30th, 2011

6. Not Taking Problem Solving Breaks – You need to stop trying to find solutions to her problems and struggles if you want a relationship full of love whether it be with your girlfriend or your wife!

Trying to solve the problems in her life is not what she is looking for and if she isn’t looking for that then she is not going to want that! What she is looking for is a relationship of love and a relationship is not about solving problems, it’s much more than that. A relationship, whether it be with a girlfriend or wife is about listening to her hurts and disappointments, being there during her struggles and last but not least and only after those things have been done, helping her with it if that’s what she wants. If you skip straight to the end point you will miss out on the relationship part altogether! Often all she wants is someone to simply listen to her, by sharing her emotions that is how she is connecting with you!

So how do you do this? Be fully present by not thinking ahead. Focus your attention on her, not her problem. Absolutely do not try to solve the problem in your head while you are talking with her. Instead ask her questions like “how does that make you feel?” or “what do you think about that?” This will move you much closer to the relationship you want, a loving relationship with your girlfriend or your wife!

 

5. Thinking She is the Adventure -  Because we feel excitement around the woman we are with, whether it be our girlfriend or wife, and the possibilities that lay ahead with her we tend to make the mistake that she is the adventure herself  and that just being with her is an adventure! This is a big mistake and will effect the chances of having a loving relationship in a negative way!

She is not the adventure, she may feel like it at first but this will ultimately disappoint you and it will disappoint her too which! While there is excitement in being with her and it is exciting to look forward to doing things with her there is much more than just this! This is selling the relationship and yourself short. It’s also building her up to be more than she is.

She is just a human being with her own struggles, faults and weaknesses and these will continually become more apparent as you get to know her more just as like when you get to know anybody more deeply. Everybody always put their best foot forward and they are always on their best behaviour until you spend enough time with them and the image is dropped because the effort is not maintained and because of comfort level that now exists between you whether this be at the girlfriend stage or marriage stage of your relationship.

She wants the excitement of being on an adventure with you! She already knows she is not the adventure because she knows she is just a human being! Plus she wants more of an adventure than just finding out about you! If you cannot offer that adventure she will also get bored with you and will be disappointed with you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking all girls want is intimacy and safety. Like any human being they have a need for excitement as well!

So how do you do this?

By adding excitement from external sources, like the things you decide to do with her, together, you will add so much more excitement and adventure to your relationship beyond simply what you feel for each other!

-Plan adventures!

-Take time to go do specific fun things that you both enjoy doing!

-Surprise her and change things up!

Do this is a sure way to increase the success of your loving relationship with your girlfriend or wife!

 

4. Pornography – Pornography is any type of lust based material involving sexual depictions of women, not just hardcore sex or nude photos! This also extends to the “pornography” inside your head, the mental fantasies that you indulge in and spend time focusing on. You may disagree strongly or you may be wondering how this can possibly be. To answer that we’ll have to go deeper into this subject to see why.

So first of all, why is pornography so dangerous and destructive to having a loving relationship with your girlfriend or wife?

(a) Pornography is all about self gratification; it is a selfishness action that is purely about getting a feeling for yourself, the problem is there is more than 1 person in a relationship!

(b) It’s chasing the wrong kind of excitement and not pursuing the excitement of intimacy. Relationships are built with emotional intimacy, and unlike a new rush, intimacy keeps getting easier and easier.

(c) Pornography makes your wife less visually appealing and physically exciting to you!

All pornography has the same purpose and the same effect weather it be hard-core, soft-core or simply or women in bikini’s; the desired effect is the feeling of being turned on! The fact that pornography comes in varying forms and degrees of intensity is irrelevant, soft-core and hard-core pornography are just different points on the same path with the same goal in mind. The reason why it is so devastating is because it’s never enough and never stops where it currently is. It never satisfies for long and what was once satisfying no longer has the same feeling or impact it once had which in turn causes us to seek that same feeling we used to get by turning to something more hardcore. This cycle continues over and over again until we are looking at very sick stuff because we keep going deeper and darker. The problem is we often don’t notice it because we’ve gotten so desensitized! The same principals hold true with any stimulus in life! Money, power, drugs or violence! On top of all of this it is highly addictive because of the feeling it gives us!

Related to this is the intention behind it all.  You may think you are just satisfying a need and this by the way is a very common argument. But then meet that need inside a loving relationship with your wife! You may feel a very strong urge to look at pornography, but remember, how did you get there? You got there by the choices you made. Firstly by not putting effort into your relationship with your wife and secondly by looking at pornography in the first place.  In other words it did not just happen all on its own!

So why are mental fantasies just a different variety of the same thing, for the reasons mentioned above, the effect and the intention of it are the same. It just takes a different form, but still outside of a loving relationship with your girlfriend or wife.

The bottom line is that pornography is a cheap and inferior replacement to the real sexual satisfaction and intimacy you can have within a loving relationship with your wife if your willing to put the effort into it.

So how do you stop looking at pornography?

-First you need to understand and believe how destructive and detrimental this is!

-Have accountability partners!

-Put blockers on your computer or get rid of the computer altogether!

-Choice, nothing happens by its self, you actually have to go and make yourself look at pornography. The computer does not move to you and turn itself on!

-Lastly but most importantly, find a replacement for it. In this case a replacement that is better! The best replacement is a strong, loving relationship with the right woman. Put effort into your relationship and go to her to meet your sexual needs. Take the time to satisfy her they way she wants and the favor will be returned! In addition to being turned on, you will also have love and intimacy, and the truth is, unlike being turned on, the feeling of love and intimacy is satisfying and does not diminish. Part of that is because it is more than just a feeling. Not only this but the deeper your love goes and the stronger it gets the more satisfying and fulfilling sex will be for you!

-In the future, judge your choices around pornography and lust by this criteria: Is it in the name of love and intimacy? Is this helpful to my relationship or marriage? Would my girlfriend or wife be ok with this? If I ran the implications of this out in the long term, what would the results be to my current and future relationships?

 

3. Not Knowing Her Love Language – A love language is simply the manner in which your girlfriend or wife wants to be loved and feels most loved when this method is used.

There are 5 love languages or 5 ways people can be loved in a relationship. They are: Touch, spending time with that person, giving gifts, acts of service and verbally, through words. Although everybody has all of them in varying degrees, and they can be combined, one or two always stand out above the rest for each person. Because these stand out and have the most impact your wife or significant other will feel most loved by you when you use her primary love language.

When you don’t your girlfriend or wife will simply not feel your love to the same degree regardless of the intentions and feelings you have. In fact, there is a chance that she will virtually not feel it at all! This means a lot of wasted time on your part and you ending up baffled as to why she feels the way she does and you are not getting the response you want despite your effort and intentions!

So how do you do change this and find out her love language so you can have the love you want in your relationship with your girlfriend or wife?

- Find out about her! Know her better than you know anything or anyone else! What makes her feel loved?

- Ask others, ask her and reflect on your experiences with her.

- Also you can read the book and take the test together!


 

2. Getting Your Masculinity From Her! – This means defining your manhood or your sense of how manly you are by the type of women you have or what sh thinks of you. In other words, the affirmation you gain from your relationships.

If your definition of masculinity comes from women then by definition your manliness will change from moment to moment based on how women view you. Of course this not make any sense, how can your masculinity suddenly change based on what others think or perceive about you? Another reason this does not work is because femininity cannot bestow masculinity. You may feel masculine by comparison but this does not give you masculinity. Regardless, this will have a huge impact on your relationship with your girlfriend or wife in multiple ways. First, it will cause you to change your behavior towards her because you will be wanting her to be giving you that affirmation, she will sense and feel this and it will be a turn off to her. In many ways you be a slave to her view of you. Secondly, you will be less confident and your confidence level will change day to day, another turn off to the woman in your life.

Believe it or not your manhood is not related to women and it does come from women. If it was, the criteria for being a man would simply be a physiological function of being able to have sex. So if it’s not that, then what, physical appearance? How about muscles, is being a man about how large your biceps are or how tall you are? Can something this shallow and meaningless really account for any part of being a man? In reality being a man comes from something much deeper than just physical characteristics or functions. It comes from your values and character and how you act on them. Masculinity does involve women, but only in how you treat them, which should come from the same principals and values that determine how you live the rest of your life.

So how do you do this so you can have the love you want in the relationship you have with your girlfriend or wife? First you need to set up your criteria of what it is to be a man apart from women or physical characteristics. This means making a list of values, morals and character traits that you deem essential to being a man.

The second step involves acting on that list you just came up with. It’s one thing to know something, it’s another to do it. Information is useless unless you actually do something with it. You are only who you are in the present and there is only the present, there is no tomorrow. So who are you being and how are you acting?

 

 

1. Following Instead Of Leading – Following means not making decisions, especially the hard ones, following means not taking responsibility for your wife, following means being passive instead of taking a stand and taking action! All of these things will detrimentally effect the relationship you have with your girlfriend or wife!

Leadership is important because she wants it! Taking action, taking responsibility and making decisions is the only way to actually be the man she wants you to be for her, to protect her, provide for her and help her to reach her potential. Even though many women will not admit it publicly this is what they really want. They want the feeling of being with someone stronger than they are. Letting your wife make the decisions, putting the responsibility on her and deferring to her leadership will lower her respect for you. You need to be proactive, purposeful and deliberate. Part of this entails never just letting her “win” unless it is something silly and meaningless. Don’t fall into the trap of “women always just think they are right” so let them be right. This of course does not mean being a dictator either, your decisions should be joint and made together. Leadership does not mean not compromising.

There is something you need to watch out for when it comes to being a leader; your wife may be undermining you, this does not mean she is trying to undermine you, but that does not mean she isn’t nonetheless. This may come through in the comments she makes to you or about you in front of others. It may simply how she tries to take the leadership from you and make decisions completely on her own or the way she disagrees with you and fights what you want. On the other hand she may also be purposefully doing this if you are trying to change the situation and become a leader. This will be because she is used to having that role and power and wants to keep it that way. Human beings always like things to stay the way they are and are resistant to change especially when power is involved and they gain value from it. You need to over come this in order to have the relationship you want with your girlfriend or wife.

So how do you do this? First be clear on what you want for your girlfriend or wife, that is a loving relationship with them. Then start thinking about what leadership changes need to happen in order for that to take place. Once you are clear on your goal, take the next step by having a conversation with your girlfriend or wife. Communicate to your intentions, feelings and thoughts on this matter. Work together to come up with a plan of what this is going to look like and how it will work. For instance, does this mean meeting at a certain time each week for discussions and planning. What decisions should be made together and which can be made separately. Ultimately she should be supporting you in this if she wants what is best for you, her and your relationship!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

5 Frequent Mistakes Men Make That Stop Them From Having Control, Confidence & Power!

November 30th, 2011

5. The Power of Choice – Choice is something we do 3000 to 4000 times a day! Choice is simply the decisions we make to do something or not, to think about something or not to. That’s all.

Choice is very simple but very powerful! It is the foundation for everything we have done, everything we are doing and everything we will do. In fact, nothing you have done or will do can happen without your choice. This is because you always have a choice! In fact, even doing nothing is still a choice. This does not mean that you can do absolutely anything you want to or that you can control everything around you, it just means you have a choice as to how you respond to your environment and what you choose to accomplish. Choice turns the invisible to the visible!

How do you use the power of choice? This is very simple. First things first, simply don’t forget that you have a choice, don’t forget the power you already have!

Next, realize that there is a difference between being interested in something and committed to something. A decision is committing to something, not just being interested in it! If you want to make a strong choice, commit to a particular action! This means doing it despite how you may feel or what might seem to get in the way at times!

“You always have a choice, but you have to make a decision!” – Shane Johnson

Lastly, start making more decisions! Start with small easy ones and be aware of the choices you are making. It’s like lifting weights, start doing it and you will see results! But you need to practice!

 

4. Not Being A Leader – Being a leader means taking action on our own and not simply following others.

Being a leader is important because it moves you into action, causes you to think more about your choices, pushes you with more responsibility and enables you to feel the power you truly have. You are already leader whether you realize it or not, and you are a leader in ways that might surprise you! As men we are constantly setting an example for others and impacting them in many ways. Whether this is your friends, your brothers and sisters, your wife or your children, you are an example. Don’t be fooled, the people in your life are watching you and you have a choice as to how you will impact and influence them.

So how do you become a leader? First you need to realize your existing leadership. Make a list of the people in your life and you will see how many people you are already impacting.

Secondly, sign up for a leadership role, you don’t have to have any practice or experience in leadership do this because life has already given you the experience and practice you need . You also don’t need to be an incredible leader to be an effective leader, so don’t set the bar too high and don’t be hard on yourself! This is a start, so treat it as one.

 

3. Using Others Definition Of Strength – Instead of having your own correct definition of strength you are using someone else’s mistaken definition of what strength is.

Is real strength muscles? Is real strength getting your way? Is real strength having lots of money? Perhaps most importantly of all, why would you let society or other men tell you what real strength is? Who are they to determine that and who says they have the correct meaning? Rather, develop your own definition! How much strength does it take to be authentic and real? How much strength does it take a stand for what is right?  How much strength does it take to win the battle of your mind by deciding what you’ll focus on and what you won’t. How much strength does it take to confront someone? How much strength does it take to stay calm? How much strength does it take to be vulnerable and in touch with how you feel?

Striving for the wrong definition of strength will cause you to end up with something other than real strength. It will also cause you to feel like you are always falling short!

So how do you find the real definition of strength and create your own definition of strength? Many people have many definitions of strength, that does not mean there isn’t correct one, the point is you need to take the time and define what your definition of strength is, the correct definition! Only you can do that, so spend some time every day thinking about what real strength is and write down what you come up with. After you have come up with a reasonable number of ideas, compile them and decide which ones are the best. Then write out your definition: Strength is…

 

 

2. Revering Others – This means holding others on a pedestal, one that they do not deserve to be on!

When you hold others on a pedestal you are putting yourself in a pit. There is really no way around the fact that as a result of revering others you will see yourself in a worse light as a result of relative comparison. You will then begin to believe there are certain things they can do that you cannot because of who they are, in other words, because they are different than you and you believe they are superior to you. The truth is that in almost all things, it is not your ability that limits you but what you are willing to do. This is besides the fact that the pedestal perspective makes absolutely no sense to begin with! Each of these people have their own problems and weaknesses many of which you cannot see because you simply don’t know them well enough. But just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. No one has it all together, that is a fact. Everybody experiences highs and lows, fears and guilt, failure and regret, that is part of what it is to be human. And one things you already know is that they, just like you, are human beings.

So how do you stop revering others? Instead of holding certain people you know on a pedestal remind yourself that they are human beings just like you!

Ask yourself the following questions: Who are the people you hold in such high regards? How well do you really know them? What small part of their life do you see? How much time do you actually spend with them?

You can also think about it in reverse, think about all of the things they don’t know about you! Then flip it around, just like this, there are many things you don’t know about them! Try imagining some of them!

Lastly, if you really need to, get to know them better! Spend some real one on one time with them. The more you get to know these people the more you will see they’re weaknesses, limitations and faults!

 

 

1. Unwillingness To Have The Journey – The journey is the process, the time as well as the ups and downs on the way to the final outcome and the result that you want!

Character, perseverance and strength are created through struggles and trials not easy carefree times! In other words, it is the process it’s self that critical to getting the results you want. There is no way around it, no easy way out and no short cut home! Character, perseverance and strength are not something you are just born with or something you simply decide that one day you are going to have. Of course the journey itself it worthless if you don’t have the right perspective while you are on it. Make sure you have the correct perspective, know the purpose of the journey and your end goal, use your experiences and knowledge you gain along the way to improve yourself, your ability and your understanding!

If you look at any accomplished individual you will see they had their own journey with times that were very rough. If you ask them, they will tell you that journey was a critical part of them being where they are today!

So how do you do this? Don’t get off of the ride! Don’t short circuit the process by refusing to continue! When the times get tough remind yourself of the reason behind it. Look forward to tough times knowing this is an opportunity! When you hit tough times you must see them as delays, not defeat or denial!

 

-If you want to know how this applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation!

-If you want to take action to overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths!

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track!

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!