Archive for October, 2011

3 Common Mistakes Men Make That Keep Them Feeling Frustrated and Angry!

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

Here are 3 incredibly common mistakes you may be making that will prevent you from feeling happy, relaxed and healthy and instead keep you feeling frustrated and angry!

Mistake number 3: Distractions! You are sabotaging your own health and improvement!

Simply put distractions are the things you choose to do instead of dealing with the frustration and anger you are feeling even if you are not purposely distracting yourself with them. Typically when men feel frustrated or angry we will take action by working more, playing sports or lifting weights. However, even s honoring a value, like playing sports and becoming more physically healthy does not go to the source of the issue. Unfortunately it’s considered very normal by society to go out to try to keep yourself busy. It’s also the easiest thing to do or at least it seems like it is! Not only does it seem like are you ridding yourself of some of these feelings but you are also getting something done, 2 in 1, killing 2 birds with one stone. This is something our society and culture excepts from men in particular because it is an action and men are supposed to be action orientated. The result is we are busy “doing” and become unaware of what is happening to our feelings  until they finally explode out of us through bursts of anger, stress melt downs or loss of control that hurts both those around us and ourselves.

In other words, we keep it inside until it can no longer be masked or hidden. Obviously we want to avoid getting to that place, but the fact is that “negative” feelings will keep persisting and will keep building up and will come out one way or another eventually if they are not dealt with. So the question is would you rather deal with them before or after that point? Would you rather be proactive and preventative or reactionary?

The only way to make progress is start by ascertaining why these feelings are there in the first place and then dealing with them, and to do that one must take the time to explore ones life. In one way or another it always eventually comes back to unhealthy experiences (current and/or past), false and limiting beliefs, negative perspective and fears.  Given the depth, power and importance of those issues and topics in a mans  life, it should not surprise us that our feelings will be effected as a result, hence why we feel what we do. The great thing is, there are solution to all of those things!

 

Mistake # 2: Using Random Solutions! Great solutions can be totally wrong!

Dealing with frustration and anger by trying acclaimed solutions you’ve heard about or read about with out first examining the problem is like falling down, feeling a pain in your leg then closing your eyes and applying a band-aid; you don’t know where, what or how serious the injury is! Was it scrape or a cut? How deep is the cut and is there something stuck in your leg?  Is it a pulled or detached muscle? Is it a sprain or a break? How severe is the sprain? Are their multiple breaks or is it just a fracture? Is their one type of injury or multiple types of injuries? With out knowing these things how can you even begin to treat the problem properly? Of course you can’t!

Possible solutions like “just be thankful and have an attitude of gratitude” seem like a great place to start. Unfortunately, this is a great principal that may be totally useless depending on the problem. Worse still, it can be potentially very damaging because it can be completely inappropriate. Unfortunately many men try a one size approach fits all hoping it will work because it it’s all they know and it seems better than nothing.

When you use the wrong solution, your feelings of frustration and anger will inevitable come back because they never really went away and the source was never dealt with. In other words, the wrong answers don’t give results because they are not the specific answers for specific problems in a man’s life.

The good thing is, there are specific answers for specific challenges and they are available from the right places!

 

Mistake #1: Thinking That “Bad” Feelings Are Bad! Feeling bad is actually good!

While the feelings of frustration and anger are “negative” and obviously unwanted, they are not actually “bad” in the sense that it is unhealthy to have those feelings. Quite to the contrary, it is very healthy to have feelings of frustration and anger when something unhealthy or bad is happening in your life. In fact it would be somewhat abnormal and alarming if you didn’t feel those things to at least some degree. Unwanted feelings are a great way of knowing something else is wrong. In that sense your goal should never be to get rid of the feelings for the sake of changing your feelings alone or else you run into the dangers mention before. It should always be to get to the root issue and to be as healthy as you can so that your feelings will reflect that change and health in your life! It may sound the same as simply trying to get rid of the frustration and anger, but when the emphasis is on changing what causes the feelings, such as unmet needs or desires, you increase your chances of success dramatically!

The truth is, that our feelings don’t lie, in fact they are remarkably accurate gauges for us to use to tell us when something is going on. In that sense your feelings are a great indicator you can check in on and should check in on regularly! However our feelings are only one part of the picture, then it is up to our brains to come in, dig, process and reflect on and gain insights into our feelings so we can interpret them and learn from them. Using both the heart and the head in combination, 2 instead of 1, is the ideal scenario and the only way to be truly healthy, though far too often most men use only their head. This is especially the case in western culture where such an emphasis is placed on logic. But how logical is it to ignore our feelings? Not very! Of course examining your feelings and searching for long term results takes more effort, courage and will power but the results are worth it!

Life coaching for men offers an extremely effective way of dealing with frustration and anger and a variety of other feelings men have. It does so in a manner that is comfortable and easy, flexible to who you are and what is happening in your life, it adapts to fit your schedule and it is affordable  for your financial situation.

Life coaching is not therapy or counselling. Rather than dealing specifically with a past trauma, life coaching is about moving forward from where you are to where you want to be and who you want to be.  In that sense life coaching has a “present to future” orientation compared with the “past to present” orientation of therapy and counselling. No man needs life coaching, but everyone man can benefit from it!

 

-If you want to know how this applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation!

-If you want to take action to overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths!

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track!

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!