Archive for December, 2011

5 Mistakes Men Make Causing Them To Be Frustrated, Unproductive and Unsuccessful At Work, In Their Job & During Their Career!

Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

 

5. Not Improving Your Strengths At Work, In Your Job and During Your Career –  That’s right, improving what you are already good, not what you are bad at is the only way to go from good to great at work, in your job and during your career!

This may seem counter intuitive because since we’ve been a child  all we’ve been told that we need to improve our weaknesses! Think about it, in school it is always the lowest grade that gets the most attention.  The problem is, weaknesses rarely become more than average abilities and being average at work, in your job and during your career is not what you want. The reason weaknesses tend to stay weak is because their maximum potential simply isn’t very high. The truth is not all abilities have the same maximum limits! In fact your strengths actually have a much higher maximum ability that your weaknesses!  No one ever achieved great success at work, in their job or at their career by becoming average at a whole bunch of different stuff! Plus, our time and effort is not only very valuable but very limited, so it would make sense to spend it on what is going to give us the highest return on our investment!

So how do you improve your strengths? Well first you have to know your strengths and those potential strengths that may seem weak but are loaded with potential. It’s surprising how often we don’t notice what we are good at, and of course it is especially difficult to know those things we are not good at but have the potential to be great in at work, in our job and during our career.

The next key point is the multiplier effect. You have to be willing to put the time and effort into improving your strengths and potential strengths. Going from good to great does not happen all on its own! This simple formula  is as follows: Effort x Strength = Results. When you put effort into something your are not good at and do not have the potential to be good at you get what happened in the movie Rudy, a football player from Notre Dame who over achieved but still achieved very little, one play in one meaningless college football game and no pro football career. If you put effort into what you do have the potential to be good at you get what happened to another Notre Dame football player by the name of Joe Montana. So would you rather be the Rudy or Joe Montana at your work, in your job and at your career?

 

 

4. Focusing On Not Making The Mistake At Work, In Your Job And During Your Career- Focusing on not making a mistake means concentrating on avoiding what you don’t want to do instead of focusing on what you do want to do at work, in your job and at your career!

When you focus on not making a particular mistake, what usually ends up happening is that you make that exact mistake! If a race car driver continually focuses on not hitting the wall lap after lap, chances are he is going to hit the wall. Why? This is because he is actually focusing on hitting the wall as opposed the opposite of hitting the wall; taking a smooth fast corner and dipping in towards the infield. The key to not making a mistake is concentrating on and visualizing the opposite of the mistake you are trying not to make, it means focusing on what the successful outcome looks like at work, in your job and during your career!

So how do you focus on success?  This in part comes down to something I have already mentioned, visualization. Visualizing your success, what it looks like, sounds like and feels like at work, in your job and at your  career is incredibly important! Another way is to surround yourself with reminders, objects and things that you want your outcome to be, the future you are aiming at, who you are trying to be and what you are trying to become at work, in your job and during your career! This works not only because it inspires you, but because it helps you to focus and reminds you that it is actually possible!

 

3. Believing It’s All About The Big Choices At Work, In Your Job And During Your  Career – Big choices are those moments of decision that we believe will have the largest impact on our lives and the situation around us. Believing it’s all about those moments means forgetting about the smaller choices we are making every day at work, in your job and during your career!

As men we often think that success is solely or at least mostly the result of those glorious monumental and momentous occasions that we see in the movies, but in truth it is not. It’s understandable how we make this mistake, after all, what stands out to us the most? What do we remember most clearly when we look back at work, our jobs and our careers? Those times where our emotions are running high and we were fearful, stressed, excited or all the above.

The point here is not that those decisions are unimportant, it’s that as a result we often devalue and forget about all of the little decisions along the way. However, when you add all of the little decisions together, they are not so little anymore, in fact they greatly outweigh the seemingly “big” choices we make! That is the key, realizing the impact the cumulative effect all of those smaller choices have at work, in your job and during your career. The mistake we make is we treat each decision as seperate and independent when really they are not. We make 3000 to 4000 decisions every day. Success comes from continually make the right and smart choices on a daily basis.

So how do we implement this? First you need to change your perspective, if you don’t believe this you will never commit to it at work, in your job and during your career!

Second, you need to start practicing making those small decisions correctly! Begin analysing your decisions and purposeful take more time out of your day to focus on them at work, in your job and during your career! Paying attention to everything you do; realize and see the choice you are making in all of your actions. Then link the m to your end goal. Ask yourself if these decisions are helping or hurting you get to your end goal.

Effort and time are the key ingredients! If you become purposeful and deliberate instead of accidental and unfocused, you will greatly improve your decision making!

 

2. Experiencing Without Learning At Work, In Your Job And During Your  Career– We are constantly experiencing life every moment of every day, however, to reflect on this experience and learn from it is something totally different.

While experience can be valuable, it can also be totally useless unless one reflects on it and learns the right things from it. You probably know some people who keep on making the same mistakes over and over again at work, in their job and during their career, experience is not the problem, learning is. It’s similar to saying that someone who has been divorced 4 times has lots of great marriage experience! They do, they just clearly have not drawn from it!

Without exception, virtually every person has great experience to draw on even though each person experience may seem very different from each others! There are common threads and parallels that run through many seemingly different experiences, thus one does not have to have experienced every imaginable type of event or situation to be able to reflect, learn and come to the same conclusions.

There is more still, even when a person does come to the same conclusion, we must remember that everybody is different! The truth is that what works for one person will not necessarily work for another at their work, in their job and during their career. While some “rules” are universal and many lessons generally work for many people, many do not and even the ones that do  look different for different people when they are applied and put into action. This is why two different people can go through exactly the same situation and experience it in a totally disparate manner. This means you should always reflect on your experience in addition to learning from others.

How do you reflect and learn? At the end of every day think about what happened that day. Come up with a list of events that took place and that you were a part of. Then come up with at least one thing you learned, gained insight on or want to improve on at work, in your job and during your career. Then figure out a way to turn it into action. Write it down and keep a list. This will add up in a hurry!

 

1. Not Having A Role Model For Your Work, Your Job And Your  CareerA role model is someone who is doing what you are doing but has proven to be able to do it very well and at a level you want to be at work, in your job and during your career!

What could possibly be a better source of information that someone who knows what you are doing and how to do it well? Instead of the method of trial and error, and the wasted time it entails, you can jump way ahead and avoid those mistakes by finding out what to avoid from your role model. The whole idea behind a role model is taping into the reasons behind their proven success. This means moving beyond the mistakes and into what to do, not just what not to do at work, in your job and during your career. There is no substitute for getting quality information from quality people!

How do you do this? – The ease of which you can do this with may surprise you. First, you need to find someone who is an expert! They don’t have to be the best but they have to be very good, better than you and at a level you want to be at! Start by looking around you where you work already, then move out from there.

Next, be straight forward and honest about your intentions and why you are contacting them. Don’t try to pretend you want to be their friend, they will see though this, besides the fact that they probably don’t want anymore friends anyways. The reality is people love to share what they know and have learned! Some people do this because they love to help but  mostly because it makes them feel valuable and important!

Lastly, prepare good questions regarding your work, your job and your career. Take lots of notes and most importantly, don’t try to prove anything to them or impress them! Just let them lead and impress them instead with your ability to learn from them!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation at work, in your job and during your career…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles at work, in your job and during your career while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

 

5 Critical Errors Men Make That Prevent Them From Finding The Job And Career They Crave!

Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

 

5. Not Knowing Your Strengths – Your strengths are both the things you are already good at and the things you have the potential to be great at in your job and during your career.

The importance of this may seem simple and straightforward but here it is nonetheless: when you do what you are good at you are much more likely to succeed then when you do something you are not good! Furthermore, this gives you happiness and confidence because the results reflect on your abilities! In fact, those that do what they are good at are 6 times more likely to be emotionally engage at their work, 6 times! They are also 3 times more likely to have a high quality of life!

So how do you do you find out what your strengths and potential strengths are for work, for a job and for your career?

1) The first thing you can do is reflect on your own experiences.

2) The 2nd thing you can do is ask others what they see in you. Often people who know you well have insights about you that you do not.

3) Finally use the tests that are available to you! StrengthsFinder 2.0 byGallup has over 40 years of research in over 60 different countries involving millions of people! Needless to say it’s very accurate and effective!

 

4. Doing What You “Should” vs What You Want For Your Job And Your Career– This means doing what is mistakenly might be  thought of as “practical” or “rational” instead of doing what you are passionate and excited about. But how much sense does it make to do something you are not passionate about? How much sense does it make to avoid what you are passionate about?

Doing what is practical and rational is not the opposite of doing what you are excited and passionate about! As I mentioned earlier, how logical is it to cut the passion out of your work, job and career? Knowing and doing what energizes you, fills you up and causes you to be excited goes as long way in determining how successful you will be! It’s simple! How much more effective would you be at what you are doing if you had more energy and passion? It’s the difference between checking what time it is so you can leave work and wanting to stay late!

Think about something you love doing, something you make time for. How do you feel when you are doing this thing? You feel great and you work really hard at it! Time speeds by! Well you can have the same feeling or at least a very similar feeling at work, in your job and during your career or at least something similar that is a huge improvement from what you are experiencing right now. This is great place to be because instead of having to find ways to motivate your self to keep going, you have to find ways to stop working!

How do you do this? This requires that you know your values and interests.

We all know the activities that we like to do such as the sports we like to play, but what about the underlying values that cause you to enjoy them? These are the values that are broader and deeper than just the actions you find them in. For example, you may love hockey, but how do you play hockey in your career? Most likely you cant, but you can find out the foundational values in hockey such as teamwork, clear results, challenge and competition that you are honouring and deliberately apply them to your choices in your career! To do this, explore the things you like and find the deeper values. You can also think about your peak experiences in your life those days, hours and moments that are some of your best ever, that you wish could just keep going forever. The reason they stand out in your mind and felt so good is because your deepest and most powerful values were being honored many different times in many different ways!

Next apply your list of values to potential  jobs, work positions and career options and see which are the most closely aligned!

 

3. Not Tackling The Fear Of Failure –  The fear of failure is a fear we all deal with, especially men and especially when it comes to looking for the right work, job or career! We worry about not accomplishing what we want to and not performing up to our standards and the standards of others!

The fear of failure can be gripping, but even when it’s not debilitating it still causes us to be passive instead of taking action or perform at a lower level than we otherwise would at work, our job and in our career! The power of the fear of failure actually lies in the fact that we internalize it. That is, instead of just believing we have failed at something, we believe that we are failures! See the difference? We take it on and actually believe that who we are is a failure as opposed to what we did. The good news is this can be changed!

The fear of failure can be destroyed but you have to know how! The key lies in the fact that is very illogical! In particular we often let our results define who we are, especially when it comes to work, our job and our career. Here is an example. Let’s say that one day I did the worlds greatest seminar for men, it would never happen but lets use our imagination and pretend. Next, lets pretend that the very next day I did the worlds worst seminar for men, now that’s actually possible though very unlikely. So what happened? Well if I let my results define my , I would have to believe that some how I magically gained all of the worlds speaking skills instantly only to magically lose them again the following day. How much sense does that make? Obviously none and that is the point! Did my skills and abilites actually change at all? No, not beyond anything minor, all that happened was I used my existing skills really well one day, then not the other. Perhaps it was the situation or something else in my life, who knows! The point is letting your results define you makes no sense! So remember, that who you are doesn’t change whether you fail or succeed. You strengths, values, character and personality remained are independent of those things. Separate your results from who you are and remind yourself of this daily!

 

2. Failure to Dream – This doesn’t mean actually falling asleep and dreaming but rather, dreaming and thinking about all of the options that are out there for work, a job and a career! And there are many!

How can you possibly make a good decision about what career to embark on if you don’t have all the options out in front of you? The answer is you can’t. If you don’t take the time to do this or if you can’t imagine what options are available to you for work, a job and a career, you are going to severely limit your job and career possibilities and potentially miss out on something great, something you might be great at and something you could really enjoy!  Just think, how many things in this world would have been accomplished if people had not dreamed beyond what was immediately around them? Not a lot! If you do not dream, you are assuring yourself of one thing at least; not accomplishing anything significant.

So how do you help yourself to dream and collect information so you can make the best decision you can regarding work, your job and your career?

First you have to let go of the circumstances and events that are currently taking place in your life. All they will serve to do is keep you from exploring the possibilities of life by keeping you in the present with life’s present problems and challenges. It’s best to close your eyes and imagine yourself 10 years from now. You see, when you imagine into the future, life’s current problems and challenges fade away freeing you to dream about things you otherwise would never think of or consider!

Another way is to just look around see what is happening around you in the world. What are other people doing and what have they done? If someone else is doing it then start thinking about it! Begin reading books, using the internet and researching any way you can!

Lastly talk to someone who is knowledgeable! Some people specialize in knowing what kind of jobs and careers are available and what they entail. These people are a great source of information!

Dreaming is not an ability but something we must simply be willing to do! There is lots of information out there, so start collecting it!

 

1. Limiting Beliefs – Limiting beliefs are simply the things you believe about yourself that if true would limit your ability to achieve something you wanted to achieve, in this case at work, your job and in your career.

The key words are “if true”, you see these are beliefs not truths, in other words just because you believe something this doesn’t mean it is true. The fact is, your limiting beliefs are the number 1 thing stopping you from achieving what you want and what you can achieve. The limiting beliefs with the highest impact are the limiting beliefs about yourself. We all have them and they are different for each person. First you must identify them, so spend some time thinking about negative things you believe about yourself outside of work, your job and your career. Some common ones include

-I am not as smart as the people who are on top…

-I cannot work as hard as those who are successful…

-I’m not gifted enough to make it out on my own…

Your limiting beliefs come from how you’ve interpret your experiences in life. That’s right, not the experience it’self but how you interpreted it! The great thing is this means you can re interpret your experiences and give them new meaning! The truth is your experiences mean nothing more than the meaning you give them, which means you are in complete control! This is why a catastrophic failure and dead end to one person is an opportunity and a new beginning for another! They simply choose to view it differently.

So how do you overcome your existing limiting beliefs so you can have the job and career you want?

Start creating doubt! Start questioning those limiting beliefs! Start coming up with as much reasons as possible as to why they are not true! There are many, you just have to find them!

Once you’ve done this, come up with reasons why you are very smart, why you are very capable, why you can be successful!  Then reinterpret the experiences that stand out in your mind and turn them into the positive using this new information!

Lastly, start remembering the things you have done well that you don’t need to reinterpret at all. You may feel hard pressed to find them at first, especially if you’ve buried them deep down and far away. Everybody has successes in their life, focus on them!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation at work, your job and in your career…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life at work, your job and in your career while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

7 Dangers To Avoid That Keep Men From Finding Love and Getting The Girlfriend or Wife They Want!

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

 

7. Being Naive – Being naive means not thinking about, being aware of and realizing a woman’s intentions, goals and the actions she is taking to get them! Being naive in this respect will prevent you from finding love and getting the girlfriend or wife you are looking for!

Unlike men, women tend to think about and plan social interaction a lot! Women aren’t so innocent when it comes to their interactions, in fact the are way ahead of men when it comes to getting the ones they want, what they want in them and what they want to get through them.  Most of what you see a woman do in public is very intentional, very well thought out and pre-planned. It is not an accident that is she where she is, acting how she is and wearing what she is. She knows who she wants to see her and how she wants to be seen!

As with all generalizations, many generalizations about women are inaccurate, such as, all women really want is love and intimacy. Women also want excitement! They also want wealth! They also want to be noticed and seen! Why do they settle for only love and intimacy sometimes? Because these needs are very strong and they are better than nothing. However, this is also why they end up having affairs, because needs such as excitement and having a masculine confident man in their life are not being met! It is also why they compromise in the other extreme. Having relationships just for social status, wealth and to be seen and noticed. And of course on top of this, all women are different, each of them have their own set of values and wants because each is a unique human being.

Many men tend not to fully appreciate the depth and complexity of this aspect of women because we are selves don’t spend lots of time thinking about these things when it comes to finding love and getting a girlfriend or wife. Furthermore, the biggest female figures and influence in our lives have been our mothers and because mothers are uniquely caring and kind to us we often have a misrepresentation of what women are really like. We only have one mother and mothers treat their children differently! As men we tend to define ourselves by ourselves by accomplishment, possessions and wealth love or our girlfriend or wife. Women tend to define themselves by their social status which include who they are dating, the friends they have and the way in which they are seen by others.

So what does all of this mean? What do you need to do?

First,  women will deliberately test you. When she is getting to know you, this will come in the form of the questions she asks as well as the situations she puts you in. She is certainly very observant and will look into things much more closely and deeply than you will of her. She is constantly forming belief and opinions about you as you interact and she sees more of your life. Therefor be careful of what you convey to her! Always remember that you are sending a message to her and she is interpreting one of her own as well!

Secondly, you want to see what she is really after! If you know that what she is doing, how she is acting and dressing is intentional, this will tell you a lot about her! Always observe her behaviour, especially towards other people! This is critical to finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife!

Lastly, deliberately test her and observe her! Ask her deep meaningful and important questions then combine her answers with how she acts! Come to your dates with some pre-planned criteria and questions! Finally, if she passes your tests and you think what she wants and is looking for are the type things that are good, healthy and similar to you, see how you can best meet those needs and wants she has! All of these things will help you find love and get the girlfriend or wife you are looking for!

 

 

6. Not Dealing With The Fear Of Rejection - Everybody has the fear of rejection, no where is it more prominent that when it comes to approaching women and worrying about her saying “no”. This is perhaps the most obvious danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife!

The fear of rejection varies from person to person but it almost always has the same effect; it stops you from asking out a woman you otherwise would have if not for the fear. For those who the fear of rejection is very strong and hence causes that man to pass up on asking many women it is especially important to tackle this fear. But even for those it effects to a lesser degree, you can still only benefit from removing this fear, after all, you never know which woman you pass up on will be the woman you can find love with! Although the fear of rejection is somewhat common that does not mean it should be!

So how do you lessen the fear of rejection? The fear of rejection is based on a number of false beliefs that cause us to internalize this fear. Knowing these false beliefs and dealing with them is critical to destroying the fear of rejection in your life, finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife. The first thing is to realize is that you are not actually being rejected, in other words, she does not know who you are, in fact she knows next to nothing about you, that includes your strengths, your character, your values, your personality or your goals. So if she says no, she is not saying no to those things that make up who you are because she does not even know those things about you!

The next thing you need to remember is that you know almost nothing about her! She could have a boyfriend, she could be unrealistically picky, she could be a very poor decision maker, she could be very irrational and judgmental. The point is, you don’t know why she is saying no and it could be for any number of bad reasons!

The point is, as men we often try to draw conclusion and make sense of things, however this is an error when it comes to situations like this because we simply don’t have enough information. Of course we do have information on ourselves so we often link it back to being something about ourselves. This of course though is totally illogical, it is much more logical to realize you can’t actually draw a valid conclusion from something you don’t have enough information on, so don’t try! It will only lead you astray and contribute to preventing you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

On top of this, the more you realize who you are, you’re values, strengths, personality and character and the more you like who you are, the less other peoples opinions and actions will effect you because you will be secure in yourself and know that a persons reaction does not change who you are, your worth or value.

Remind yourself of these truth’s everyday!

 

5. Thinking You Can Fix Her - You’ve heard that girls try to change their guys, well unfortunately the male version of that is that sometimes we try to help fix her and the “baggage” she has. Trying to change her is a huge danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Her “Baggage” is the accumulation of hurts in her life from bad experiences that include being cheated on, being used and being disrespected from former boyfriends as well as other people in her life such as friends and family. These kind of hurts which result in false beliefs and fears and hence the unhealthy emotions and behaviors that follow generally fit into about 4 different categories (though this detail and information is beyond the scope of this article).

The bottom line is you cannot help her, it’s not that she can’t be helped, just not by you! This in part because you are in a relationship with her, in other words, because you are trying to find love and get the right girlfriend or wife! As such you are hardly in the right state of mind to be objectively helping her let alone do what is actually needed considering how it will effect the rest of your relationship which is romantic not client/patient based. This is besides the fact that you are not trained to help her. That’s what professionals are for, counsellors and psychologists. Finally, remember that she has to want to change, so even if you could help her it is worthless if she doesn’t want to change in the first place! On top of this you will be missing out on some potentially great women if you spend your time trying to fix her!

How do you do this? Look out for red flags early, and have your decision made ahead of time that their are certain red flags you will simply not ignore!  Realize that as good as your intentions may be, intentions are not enough. Don’t waffle or convince yourself that you will some how be able to do what other guys could not.  Don’t entertain the fantasy of being a white night in shining armor, it’s not a fantasy but a nightmare! Lastly, find a girl who doesn’t need to be fixed! It’s always makes it easier when you replace the thing you are leaving with something else! All of these things will help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife!

 

 

4. Wrong Places Right Faces – You can look all you want for the right girl, but if you’re looking in the wrong places you’ll never find love or get the right girlfriend or wife!

The first part of any search is knowing what you are searching for. Only after you know this can you begin searching, but the next question is where do you start looking? Obviously there will be certain places that you are much more likely to find love an the right girlfriend or wife than other places. There is no point looking in the wrong places for the right faces!

So how do you go about doing this?

First you need a starting point, some understanding of what type of girl you are looking for! Create a list of personality traits, character, values and strengths you like, want and are attracted to in a woman. Next create a list of personality traits, characteristics and weaknesses you don’t want in a woman! Make these lists as exhaustive as possible and give yourself a good ½ hour on each!

Once you’ve created that list start figuring out where that type of woman is most likely to hang out and spend her time. This of course will be completely determined by what you’ve come up with. Create a 2nd list of places she is not likely to spend her time at. If she is a fellow professional, who is dedicated to work but also wants a family, chances are you won’t see her in a club. This is not complicated procedure but it takes some time.

Finally start going to those places where she is most likely to be and avoid going to places where she is not likely to be. If you enjoy going to those places where she will most likely not be at, just remember not to waste too much time asking out girls you see there, since there is a low chance of finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife in that environment.

 

3. Not Being Yourself – Not being yourself means acting, faking it and putting on a front, all of which will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Don’t fool yourself, girls are remarkably good a reading others! If you are acting, faking it or pretending you are something you are not this will really turn her off, if not right away, as soon as she finds out!

Besides not being able to keep this up forever, you shouldn’t want to anyways because it is self defeating. To know if she is really a good fit for you, the right potential girlfriend or wife you have to be you and then see if the relationship works.

How do you do this? This is simple but not necessarily easy. First it really helps to like who you are. By this I mean your strengths, character and especially the parts of you that you cannot change, like your personality. This isn’t to say you are perfect or don’t want to change anything about yourself, but you can still do that without faking it. Being honest doesn’t mean telling her everything you are not, are not good at or don’t like about yourself. As always, put your best foot forward, but make sure it is the best part of something you are, not something you are not. This will greatly increase your chances of finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Of course to do this you first have to know who you are and I mean really know who you are. To really know who you are keep reading the rest of this article!

 

2. Trying To Find “The One” Instead Of Trying To Be “The One” – This means spending all of your time looking for the right girl without making sure you are the right guy for her. This is a very common danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

If you are constantly focusing on trying to find the one, you have forgotten that there are 2 sides to this coin, she is also trying to find “the one” because she wants love too. So the real question is, how are you preparing to be “the one” for her? Let’s play this out, if you finally did meet the right girl that’s great, but from that point on, the moment you meet her, she will be thinking is this the right guy for me. The searching is the start, you have to actually deliver what you promise for to want you and stay with you. It’s like looking for the perfect job, researching like crazy, talking to every expert you know, making lists of pro’s and con’s, then you go to an interview and realize you are no different than everybody else applying for that same job. You have no training, education or experience that makes you stand out from anyone else! How is that going to help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife? It’s not!

So how do you do avoid this mistake? This is more simple than it may seem. Take what ever personality traits, character and strengths you want in her and then look at yourself through that lens and see how you stack up. Where ever you find you are left wanting or lacking, start working on those things. Now I am not suggesting you can change everything about yourself or that you should try, but you can enhance, modify and bring things out. That of course will increase your attractiveness and help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife.

It always helps to ask people around you that know you well because they have insights into our lives that we do not because they are on the outside looking in and are not as emotionally involved as we are. Just make sure they will be honest and forthright with you; so make sure you tell them you want them to be and give them the reason. If it is more than you realize, start by picking 3 and go from there. Finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife depends on who you are! She is making a large investment, make sure she is making a good investment!

 

 

1. Opposite Don’t Attract! – This next write up applies most heavily to points number 4, 4 and 2 and was alluded to each of those sections. Knowing who you are is the most important part to finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife because it is so foundational!

To fully be who you truly are, to really like who you are and to really maximize who you are you have to know who you are to begin with! I’m talking about your personality, your strengths, your values and your wants. How well do you really know these things? If asked you to list them all out right now, how far would you get beyond a simple very basic list? The reasoning behind this is straight forward and intuitive. To find love and get the right girlfriend or wife, the woman you want should be similar to you, complimentary to you and compatible with you.

This means that in some ways you want her to be like you, for example in terms of intelligence, values and how much socialization she likes. In other ways you want her to compliment you, this means hopefully she has strengths you don’t have to fill in your weaknesses, after all a relationship involves working together and accomplishing things together. Lastly, you want her to be compatible with you, that means in some areas you want her to be the opposite of you. For example, if you are very masculine, intense and if you like to be in charge, then having a woman who is very feminine, easy going and doesn’t mind having someone else make decisions will ensure that you don’t clash with her! The key is in realizing which attributes should be similar, which should be complimentary and which should be compatible! Most of this is not that difficult to reason out logically.

Now it is important to note that note following these things does not mean your relationship won’t work and that it is doomed. It does mean it will be a lot harder to make work and a lot less enjoyable. So the question you need to ask yourself is, since relationships are hard enough as they are, do I really want to make things harder or easier? Do I want to set myself up for success of failure? Do I want the most enjoyment possible and the least effort possible for the rest of my life? If you want to find the best love you can and get the right girlfriend or wife, this is critical!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!