7 Dangers To Avoid That Keep Men From Finding Love and Getting The Girlfriend or Wife They Want!

 

7. Being Naive – Being naive means not thinking about, being aware of and realizing a woman’s intentions, goals and the actions she is taking to get them! Being naive in this respect will prevent you from finding love and getting the girlfriend or wife you are looking for!

Unlike men, women tend to think about and plan social interaction a lot! Women aren’t so innocent when it comes to their interactions, in fact the are way ahead of men when it comes to getting the ones they want, what they want in them and what they want to get through them.  Most of what you see a woman do in public is very intentional, very well thought out and pre-planned. It is not an accident that is she where she is, acting how she is and wearing what she is. She knows who she wants to see her and how she wants to be seen!

As with all generalizations, many generalizations about women are inaccurate, such as, all women really want is love and intimacy. Women also want excitement! They also want wealth! They also want to be noticed and seen! Why do they settle for only love and intimacy sometimes? Because these needs are very strong and they are better than nothing. However, this is also why they end up having affairs, because needs such as excitement and having a masculine confident man in their life are not being met! It is also why they compromise in the other extreme. Having relationships just for social status, wealth and to be seen and noticed. And of course on top of this, all women are different, each of them have their own set of values and wants because each is a unique human being.

Many men tend not to fully appreciate the depth and complexity of this aspect of women because we are selves don’t spend lots of time thinking about these things when it comes to finding love and getting a girlfriend or wife. Furthermore, the biggest female figures and influence in our lives have been our mothers and because mothers are uniquely caring and kind to us we often have a misrepresentation of what women are really like. We only have one mother and mothers treat their children differently! As men we tend to define ourselves by ourselves by accomplishment, possessions and wealth love or our girlfriend or wife. Women tend to define themselves by their social status which include who they are dating, the friends they have and the way in which they are seen by others.

So what does all of this mean? What do you need to do?

First,  women will deliberately test you. When she is getting to know you, this will come in the form of the questions she asks as well as the situations she puts you in. She is certainly very observant and will look into things much more closely and deeply than you will of her. She is constantly forming belief and opinions about you as you interact and she sees more of your life. Therefor be careful of what you convey to her! Always remember that you are sending a message to her and she is interpreting one of her own as well!

Secondly, you want to see what she is really after! If you know that what she is doing, how she is acting and dressing is intentional, this will tell you a lot about her! Always observe her behaviour, especially towards other people! This is critical to finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife!

Lastly, deliberately test her and observe her! Ask her deep meaningful and important questions then combine her answers with how she acts! Come to your dates with some pre-planned criteria and questions! Finally, if she passes your tests and you think what she wants and is looking for are the type things that are good, healthy and similar to you, see how you can best meet those needs and wants she has! All of these things will help you find love and get the girlfriend or wife you are looking for!

 

 

6. Not Dealing With The Fear Of Rejection - Everybody has the fear of rejection, no where is it more prominent that when it comes to approaching women and worrying about her saying “no”. This is perhaps the most obvious danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife!

The fear of rejection varies from person to person but it almost always has the same effect; it stops you from asking out a woman you otherwise would have if not for the fear. For those who the fear of rejection is very strong and hence causes that man to pass up on asking many women it is especially important to tackle this fear. But even for those it effects to a lesser degree, you can still only benefit from removing this fear, after all, you never know which woman you pass up on will be the woman you can find love with! Although the fear of rejection is somewhat common that does not mean it should be!

So how do you lessen the fear of rejection? The fear of rejection is based on a number of false beliefs that cause us to internalize this fear. Knowing these false beliefs and dealing with them is critical to destroying the fear of rejection in your life, finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife. The first thing is to realize is that you are not actually being rejected, in other words, she does not know who you are, in fact she knows next to nothing about you, that includes your strengths, your character, your values, your personality or your goals. So if she says no, she is not saying no to those things that make up who you are because she does not even know those things about you!

The next thing you need to remember is that you know almost nothing about her! She could have a boyfriend, she could be unrealistically picky, she could be a very poor decision maker, she could be very irrational and judgmental. The point is, you don’t know why she is saying no and it could be for any number of bad reasons!

The point is, as men we often try to draw conclusion and make sense of things, however this is an error when it comes to situations like this because we simply don’t have enough information. Of course we do have information on ourselves so we often link it back to being something about ourselves. This of course though is totally illogical, it is much more logical to realize you can’t actually draw a valid conclusion from something you don’t have enough information on, so don’t try! It will only lead you astray and contribute to preventing you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

On top of this, the more you realize who you are, you’re values, strengths, personality and character and the more you like who you are, the less other peoples opinions and actions will effect you because you will be secure in yourself and know that a persons reaction does not change who you are, your worth or value.

Remind yourself of these truth’s everyday!

 

5. Thinking You Can Fix Her - You’ve heard that girls try to change their guys, well unfortunately the male version of that is that sometimes we try to help fix her and the “baggage” she has. Trying to change her is a huge danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Her “Baggage” is the accumulation of hurts in her life from bad experiences that include being cheated on, being used and being disrespected from former boyfriends as well as other people in her life such as friends and family. These kind of hurts which result in false beliefs and fears and hence the unhealthy emotions and behaviors that follow generally fit into about 4 different categories (though this detail and information is beyond the scope of this article).

The bottom line is you cannot help her, it’s not that she can’t be helped, just not by you! This in part because you are in a relationship with her, in other words, because you are trying to find love and get the right girlfriend or wife! As such you are hardly in the right state of mind to be objectively helping her let alone do what is actually needed considering how it will effect the rest of your relationship which is romantic not client/patient based. This is besides the fact that you are not trained to help her. That’s what professionals are for, counsellors and psychologists. Finally, remember that she has to want to change, so even if you could help her it is worthless if she doesn’t want to change in the first place! On top of this you will be missing out on some potentially great women if you spend your time trying to fix her!

How do you do this? Look out for red flags early, and have your decision made ahead of time that their are certain red flags you will simply not ignore!  Realize that as good as your intentions may be, intentions are not enough. Don’t waffle or convince yourself that you will some how be able to do what other guys could not.  Don’t entertain the fantasy of being a white night in shining armor, it’s not a fantasy but a nightmare! Lastly, find a girl who doesn’t need to be fixed! It’s always makes it easier when you replace the thing you are leaving with something else! All of these things will help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife!

 

 

4. Wrong Places Right Faces – You can look all you want for the right girl, but if you’re looking in the wrong places you’ll never find love or get the right girlfriend or wife!

The first part of any search is knowing what you are searching for. Only after you know this can you begin searching, but the next question is where do you start looking? Obviously there will be certain places that you are much more likely to find love an the right girlfriend or wife than other places. There is no point looking in the wrong places for the right faces!

So how do you go about doing this?

First you need a starting point, some understanding of what type of girl you are looking for! Create a list of personality traits, character, values and strengths you like, want and are attracted to in a woman. Next create a list of personality traits, characteristics and weaknesses you don’t want in a woman! Make these lists as exhaustive as possible and give yourself a good ½ hour on each!

Once you’ve created that list start figuring out where that type of woman is most likely to hang out and spend her time. This of course will be completely determined by what you’ve come up with. Create a 2nd list of places she is not likely to spend her time at. If she is a fellow professional, who is dedicated to work but also wants a family, chances are you won’t see her in a club. This is not complicated procedure but it takes some time.

Finally start going to those places where she is most likely to be and avoid going to places where she is not likely to be. If you enjoy going to those places where she will most likely not be at, just remember not to waste too much time asking out girls you see there, since there is a low chance of finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife in that environment.

 

3. Not Being Yourself – Not being yourself means acting, faking it and putting on a front, all of which will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Don’t fool yourself, girls are remarkably good a reading others! If you are acting, faking it or pretending you are something you are not this will really turn her off, if not right away, as soon as she finds out!

Besides not being able to keep this up forever, you shouldn’t want to anyways because it is self defeating. To know if she is really a good fit for you, the right potential girlfriend or wife you have to be you and then see if the relationship works.

How do you do this? This is simple but not necessarily easy. First it really helps to like who you are. By this I mean your strengths, character and especially the parts of you that you cannot change, like your personality. This isn’t to say you are perfect or don’t want to change anything about yourself, but you can still do that without faking it. Being honest doesn’t mean telling her everything you are not, are not good at or don’t like about yourself. As always, put your best foot forward, but make sure it is the best part of something you are, not something you are not. This will greatly increase your chances of finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

Of course to do this you first have to know who you are and I mean really know who you are. To really know who you are keep reading the rest of this article!

 

2. Trying To Find “The One” Instead Of Trying To Be “The One” – This means spending all of your time looking for the right girl without making sure you are the right guy for her. This is a very common danger that will prevent you from finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife.

If you are constantly focusing on trying to find the one, you have forgotten that there are 2 sides to this coin, she is also trying to find “the one” because she wants love too. So the real question is, how are you preparing to be “the one” for her? Let’s play this out, if you finally did meet the right girl that’s great, but from that point on, the moment you meet her, she will be thinking is this the right guy for me. The searching is the start, you have to actually deliver what you promise for to want you and stay with you. It’s like looking for the perfect job, researching like crazy, talking to every expert you know, making lists of pro’s and con’s, then you go to an interview and realize you are no different than everybody else applying for that same job. You have no training, education or experience that makes you stand out from anyone else! How is that going to help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife? It’s not!

So how do you do avoid this mistake? This is more simple than it may seem. Take what ever personality traits, character and strengths you want in her and then look at yourself through that lens and see how you stack up. Where ever you find you are left wanting or lacking, start working on those things. Now I am not suggesting you can change everything about yourself or that you should try, but you can enhance, modify and bring things out. That of course will increase your attractiveness and help you find love and get the right girlfriend or wife.

It always helps to ask people around you that know you well because they have insights into our lives that we do not because they are on the outside looking in and are not as emotionally involved as we are. Just make sure they will be honest and forthright with you; so make sure you tell them you want them to be and give them the reason. If it is more than you realize, start by picking 3 and go from there. Finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife depends on who you are! She is making a large investment, make sure she is making a good investment!

 

 

1. Opposite Don’t Attract! – This next write up applies most heavily to points number 4, 4 and 2 and was alluded to each of those sections. Knowing who you are is the most important part to finding love and getting the right girlfriend or wife because it is so foundational!

To fully be who you truly are, to really like who you are and to really maximize who you are you have to know who you are to begin with! I’m talking about your personality, your strengths, your values and your wants. How well do you really know these things? If asked you to list them all out right now, how far would you get beyond a simple very basic list? The reasoning behind this is straight forward and intuitive. To find love and get the right girlfriend or wife, the woman you want should be similar to you, complimentary to you and compatible with you.

This means that in some ways you want her to be like you, for example in terms of intelligence, values and how much socialization she likes. In other ways you want her to compliment you, this means hopefully she has strengths you don’t have to fill in your weaknesses, after all a relationship involves working together and accomplishing things together. Lastly, you want her to be compatible with you, that means in some areas you want her to be the opposite of you. For example, if you are very masculine, intense and if you like to be in charge, then having a woman who is very feminine, easy going and doesn’t mind having someone else make decisions will ensure that you don’t clash with her! The key is in realizing which attributes should be similar, which should be complimentary and which should be compatible! Most of this is not that difficult to reason out logically.

Now it is important to note that note following these things does not mean your relationship won’t work and that it is doomed. It does mean it will be a lot harder to make work and a lot less enjoyable. So the question you need to ask yourself is, since relationships are hard enough as they are, do I really want to make things harder or easier? Do I want to set myself up for success of failure? Do I want the most enjoyment possible and the least effort possible for the rest of my life? If you want to find the best love you can and get the right girlfriend or wife, this is critical!

 

-If you want to know how this specifically applies to you as a unique individual in your unique situation…

-If you want to take action, apply this and overcome the barriers and obstacles in your life while using your strengths…

-If you want to stay on track once you’re on track…

Start by booking a free 45 minute life coaching sample session using the form in the top right corner or email me at Shane@LifeOPC.com or call 250-889-0988 today!

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